Tonight was overwhelming.

Not because it was hard to run.

It was emotional for me because these past 3 months have been EXHAUSTING! I think today was the first time I reflected on this journey for all that it is and I cried.

I cried hard too. Surely made running more difficult. I just needed to get it out.

The hard tears were because I still have that “inadequate” feeling floating around in my head regarding pace. I feel confident that I will finish, just inadequate because at times it feels as if my pace is going backwards.

I have expectations that this journey is suppose to go from a 14min pace, to a 13min pace to a 12…and so on, but realistically that is not the case.

COVID this year, as well as talking some meds have moved me back on the starting line, and the truth is it’s ok. (Even though my mind fights this reassurance)

I want to be faster. I want to be a more efficient runner.

Today, I boo hoo-ed because I still yet struggle to silence these negative thoughts. I cried because I am grateful, yet overwhelmed for the progress I’ve been able to make.

I have NEVER in my life run this distance before!!! EVER- so that alone IS progress.

You should listen to the thoughts that go on in my head. It’s a constant back and forth. Despite the ping ponging thoughts, I am confident I will come out victorious.

So, let me repeat this to myself…

April, it doesn’t matter your pace, you ARE progressing!

Tonight I also learned to be careful with my words. I will RESPECT every distance and to never say, “it’s JUST…” Every mile, every race is an accomplishment.

I am progressing.

2 more BIG RECORD long runs left…then we taper.